(no subject)

so i'm spending the holiday alone. my family doesn't care enough to invite me to dinner and andy couldn't come home once again (yay army). now i'm not religious in any way shape or form, so i could care less if i celebrate the holiday or not. it's just that in the past my family always got together and had dinner. but a while ago they decided it was just too much trouble to get together so many times a year (easter, christmas, thanksgiving) so now we only get together for thanksgiving. and i'm talking my large family here,the extended family. my smaller family (my mom, her parents and siblings and their families) only get together for christmas. it's just sad that my family thinks it's such a hassle to see everyone and made the decision not to. we didn't see each other that much to begin with and now we see each other even less. granted, i never felt like i fit in with my family to begin with, but still they're my family and now i feel like i don't have one.

andy made a comment yesterday about how your family is always there for you and things like that. i was just like, "yeah, if your family cares in the first place..." seriously, for me my family has never been there for me. the only times i see my dad is if i drive all the way out to his house or if i'm in desperate need (ie, when i was moving and had no one to help me and when my car completely died and i didn't know what to do) otherwise i never see him. he doesn't call me unless he's telling me when to come out for the next "family" function or if someone dies. and i hate going out there anyway. my step-mom has never liked me and most likely never will and i always feel awkward around her family b/c of things that happened in the past. i never see my dad's family. my mom i see occasionally and we talk sometimes. which, if any of you really know her and i understand the irony in that. but i still have to make the first move to see/talk to her unless something is going on.

::sigh:: i don't mean to depress everyone or make them feel sorry for me. it just bothers me when people complain about their parents calling them and nagging them to spend time with them. i'm just like, "at least your parents care"..

this just means i'm going to try extra hard to have a good relationship with my kids. i don't want them to feel like i do. i want them to know that i love them and that i will be there for them if they need me. i just hope i'm given that chance...

(no subject)

so i'm spending the holiday alone. my family doesn't care enough to invite me to dinner and andy couldn't come home once again (yay army). now i'm not religious in any way shape or form, so i could care less if i celebrate the holiday or not. it's just that in the past my family always got together and had dinner. but a while ago they decided it was just too much trouble to get together so many times a year (easter, christmas, thanksgiving) so now we only get together for thanksgiving. and i'm talking my large family here,the extended family. my smaller family (my mom, her parents and siblings and their families) only get together for christmas. it's just sad that my family thinks it's such a hassle to see everyone and made the decision not to. we didn't see each other that much to begin with and now we see each other even less. granted, i never felt like i fit in with my family to begin with, but still they're my family and now i feel like i don't have one.

andy made a comment yesterday about how your family is always there for you and things like that. i was just like, "yeah, if your family cares in the first place..." seriously, for me my family has never been there for me. the only times i see my dad is if i drive all the way out to his house or if i'm in desperate need (ie, when i was moving and had no one to help me and when my car completely died and i didn't know what to do) otherwise i never see him. he doesn't call me unless he's telling me when to come out for the next "family" function or if someone dies. and i hate going out there anyway. my step-mom has never liked me and most likely never will and i always feel awkward around her family b/c of things that happened in the past. i never see my dad's family. my mom i see occasionally and we talk sometimes. which, if any of you really know her and i understand the irony in that. but i still have to make the first move to see/talk to her unless something is going on.

::sigh:: i don't mean to depress everyone or make them feel sorry for me. it just bothers me when people complain about their parents calling them and nagging them to spend time with them. i'm just like, "at least your parents care"..

this just means i'm going to try extra hard to have a good relationship with my kids. i don't want them to feel like i do. i want them to know that i love them and that i will be there for them if they need me. i just hope i'm given that chance...