Writing my Own Story

Things were not drastically changed for us due to the pandemic, but things certainly felt different. The whole year has been rife with frustration and depression. But we got through it. Looking through my posts and doing some digging, I accomplished more than I feel like I have. From a fandom standpoint anyway.

I read 42 books this year, which is higher than average, but less than the year I read too much, so I think it's a good number.

I completed 5 new fanfics in three different fandoms, and started one that I still need to finish. This is about average, I only have 23 fics total and usually write 3 or 4 a year.

My icons went up significantly, I was surprised by how many I actually made. I felt like I hadn't been able to make very many at all. I made a whopping 95 icons this year! For reference, I made 27 last year, 57 the year before, and 30 the one before that.

I'm hoping the new year has a better feel to it and we can all heal from the awful things that happened during 2020.

I've been feeling kind of in a funk lately. Unmotivated, sad, tired....jut really blah and not wanting to do anything. This usually leads me into a bad place if I can't pull myself out. It's already been a few weeks of struggling, but I think I found what I needed to help get me turned around.

Music.

Of course, I had been already trying this without success, but I think I found the right music yesterday. The genre of music I listen to has always been dependent on my mood and usually I can just listen to upbeat music when I'm starting to feel down. 80s pop is usually my go-to for this, but it wasn't working.

Yesterday it just came to me, I needed some strong female music. Specifically Ani DiFranco. So I created a new station on Pandora with her as my first seed and I've now been listening to the ladies of the 90s since yesterday and I'm feeling better already. Not 100% yet, but getting there.

I think one of my setbacks (that caused or added to my mood) this time was the whole mess with MSU/Larry Nassar. As horrific as it is in and of itself, finding out that one of my oldest friends was/is one of his victims hit me pretty hard.

We've known each other since 1st or 2nd grade, almost three decades. And I never knew. She didn't tell anyone. To hear her say she blames herself for the more recent victims (she was a victim starting in the 90s) because she didn't speak out then just breaks my heart.

And the whole thing with Aziz Ansari. I posted about it on FB and Tumblr. I've been Grace, I know how she feels. I had a friend message me with questions on FB, trying to understand my side of it. Then Andy came home asking questions, but really just wanting reassurance that I wasn't talking about him.

So I needed some strong women around me, women who know my struggle (and then some). And none sing about it better than the women of the 90s. And not in a "woe is me" kind of way, but in a "fuck the system" kind of way. Yeah, it might be referred to as Angry Chick music, but dammit, they have a reason to be angry. Just like we do now. If we were so angry more often, maybe men wouldn't treat us the way they do. Or it might make things worse. I don't know. I just know I need their strength right now.

Almost just texted "I miss Moriarty" to my husband instead of "I miss you."

Pretty sure he would not have been amused.

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