What a great way to start the day. . .
Aug. 20th, 2005 04:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lavendersparkSo after living on three hours of sleep yesterday and not going to sleep until 1:30ish, it was so great to get woken up at 10:30 by the ex. (note the sarcasm)
So I'm trying to wake up and figure out why he's calling me so fricken early when I realize that he's drunk. At 10:30 in the morning. Wonderful. So then the conversation proceeds to his wanting me back and us arguing about why that's not going to happen. Then my cell phone dies. I fall back asleep thinking all will be well.
He calls back on the house line. So I have to talk to him again and listen to him cry and go on and on about how stupid he was to let me go and how sorry he is for being an ass and on and on. Then he says he's changed and that things can go back to the way they were. . .in the very beginning when things were actually good. Which would be nice, except that I know that will never happen. The only reason he could do that is because he is in the same situation now as he was then. Miserable and jobless. Once that changes he will go back to the person he really is. Which is the person that ignores me and then still wants sex at the end of the day.
But I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and things really would be different. The only thing is is that I'm a different person now. I've changed. There are things that I'm not willing to give up again. Like my friends. I'm also really happy with the person I am now and it's not the person I was when I met him so I don't even know if things could work anyway.
Am I stupid for not giving him another chance? We've broken up and gotten back together before more than once, but this time we actually spent time apart and I've actually had time to think about things. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do, to just brush him off and not think twice about it. I want to be friends with him, but he says that wouldn't work for him, that he wants more than that. Which to me says that he doesn't really want me back, he wants to be able to get sex whenever he wants it again. Am I right or am I totally misunderstanding that? To me, if he was willing to try to be friends and go from there that would tell me that he really missed me and not just the physical side of the relationship. But I'm not a guy so maybe I don't understand what it means. All I know is that I refuse to live thru what he put me thru again. I won't do it.
So I'm trying to wake up and figure out why he's calling me so fricken early when I realize that he's drunk. At 10:30 in the morning. Wonderful. So then the conversation proceeds to his wanting me back and us arguing about why that's not going to happen. Then my cell phone dies. I fall back asleep thinking all will be well.
He calls back on the house line. So I have to talk to him again and listen to him cry and go on and on about how stupid he was to let me go and how sorry he is for being an ass and on and on. Then he says he's changed and that things can go back to the way they were. . .in the very beginning when things were actually good. Which would be nice, except that I know that will never happen. The only reason he could do that is because he is in the same situation now as he was then. Miserable and jobless. Once that changes he will go back to the person he really is. Which is the person that ignores me and then still wants sex at the end of the day.
But I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and things really would be different. The only thing is is that I'm a different person now. I've changed. There are things that I'm not willing to give up again. Like my friends. I'm also really happy with the person I am now and it's not the person I was when I met him so I don't even know if things could work anyway.
Am I stupid for not giving him another chance? We've broken up and gotten back together before more than once, but this time we actually spent time apart and I've actually had time to think about things. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do, to just brush him off and not think twice about it. I want to be friends with him, but he says that wouldn't work for him, that he wants more than that. Which to me says that he doesn't really want me back, he wants to be able to get sex whenever he wants it again. Am I right or am I totally misunderstanding that? To me, if he was willing to try to be friends and go from there that would tell me that he really missed me and not just the physical side of the relationship. But I'm not a guy so maybe I don't understand what it means. All I know is that I refuse to live thru what he put me thru again. I won't do it.
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And, the irony of it all is that I'm a Psych Major...
on 2005-08-21 03:28 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2005-08-21 11:40 pm (UTC)The irony of it all is that I'm a TOTAL loser...
on 2005-08-22 12:13 am (UTC)or at the very least, make him go away.
Just make sure to eat some ice cream before and after.
Doctor's orders.